Housekeeping

I know this video is a few days old, but make sure you watch the whole thing. I can't think of a better example of fatherhood and Yankee fandom than this fine piece of amateur film:



Morganobrien.com UPDATE: It's been a few days since I last posted (so sue me, I moved, calm down). To all the pervs looking up "Kate Gosselin's Bust Measurements" on Google, just stop. You're freaking sick.


Via Deadspin

Manny in Albuquerque

Yet another reason to miss the Land of Enchantment--I so would be at Isotopes Stadium tonight to catch ManRam begin his rehab. Interestingly enough, he was struck out the first time by Manny Parra, who I saw pitch against the Marlins a few weeks back.

Looks like Sr. Parra and I both found changes in latitude since we last met.


Manny in my old stomping grounds

Isotopes Park is a sweet venue. I worked a high school All American baseball game there a few years back (and had some hacks in the amateur home run derby). I also had the pleasure of hosting the U.S. Air Force Thunderbirds there when they visited the Duke City a few years back for the Kirtland Air Show.

I'll be back, one day...maybe as the Diplomat in Residence at UNM.

As if Bernie Williams Needs Further Vindication...

At my first duty station, I had the opportunity to work with an incredibly difficult colleague. I was shocked that in a professional workplace, adults didn't necessarily act their age. To help me deal with this person, I'll never forget the lesson my folks taught me: "Morgan, if you think they're an asshole, odds are everyone else does too."

I was reminded of this in the sad/unconscionable case of former Yankee Mel Hall.

(Mel)Hall taped "Mr. Zero" to the top of Williams's locker to signify that he meant nothing to the team. One day Hall nearly brought Williams to tears by saying, "Zero, shut up," every time Williams tried to speak. The more Williams tried, the louder Hall interrupted with repetitive chants of "Zero."

- Birth of a Dynasty, Joel Sherman

Let's look at the stats.
Bernie Williams: five all star games, four gold gloves, one batting title, and four championships
Mel Hall: zero.

And now,
Mel Hall: 45 year sentence for an incredibly egregious sexual assault conviction against a minor.
Bernie: Still a fan favorite.


Disgrace to the Pinstripes

It's funny how in life, the bad guys are so often exposed as truly bad and the good guys are almost always vindicated in being good guys. The Yanks cleaned house in the early 90's and developed into a franchise that epitomized character, class and a championship pedigree. Mel Hall became an example of the old guard that needed to go in order for the franchise to return to glory.

While I feel terrible for the victim in the case (12 at the time, TWELVE!), here's hoping the prison system lives up to its remarkable tendency to ensure that scumbags like Mel Hall get their comeuppance.

Funny Search Items

Every day, I get a report from a terrific tool called Google Analytics that informs me of trends regarding my Web site--where traffic comes from and how folks come upon Morganobrien.com.

A few times a week, I'm blown away by the search terms that lead folks to this humble space on the Interweb. I'm compelled to share them with you, dear readers:

Today's Top Search Item:

kate gosselin bust measurements

Unfortunately, I don't have this information on the site. If any of my well-informed readers would like to share this information with me, I'll gladly post it here. What can I say, I'm here to serve.

In the meantime, I anxiously await the season premier of Jon Minus Nine, which portends to be my new favorite show.


Kate generates pageviews

Kevin Smith at Carnegie Hall

Lost Tourist: Excuse me, how do you get to Carnegie Hall?

Grizzled New Yorker: Practice.

I'm a huge fan of Kevin Smith and the funny thing is that his movies are probably my least favorite aspect of his artistic contributions*. I love his weekly Smodcast podcasts with his longtime filmmaking partner, Scott Mosier. He's a fantastic guest on Opie and Anthony and he's a fun actor to watch on screen. Most important, he strikes me as a guy that would be a pisser to hang out with.

I admire good storytellers and Smith is a master. His engrossing stories seamlessly weave thought-provoking points with his great sense of humor. So when Smith announced that he was performing his one-man show Silent Bob Speaks at Carnegie Hall, I immediately bought tickets. And in my case, I took the LIRR to the C train (Columbus Circle) to get to Carnegie Hall.

In what must have been a thrill of a lifetime for Smith, he held court on stage in front of a mostly packed house SOLD OUT CROWD for about three hours, regaling the crown with stories about Jennifer Garner, adventures in the bathroom and claiming that he was the Wayne Gretzky of cunnilingus.

Here are the first 6 minutes, courtesy of Gregg "Opie" Hughes' Twitter account:



Congrats and thank you, Kevin Smith. You knocked it out of the park, and put on a hell of a show.

*That's not to say that I don't go to the theaters when his movies come out and I own all of his movies on DVD, in fact I think I've bought Clerks 3 times.

www.KOB.com - Best sentenced for wrong-way DWI crash

www.KOB.com - Best sentenced for wrong-way DWI crash

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Guilty Pleasure: Zeppolis from the St. Anthony's Feast

So good when it hits your lips

Sometimes, I feel that I straddle two worlds and fit in neither. I'm a New Yorker, and I love my native Long Island; at the same time, I've spent more than a decade away and fell in love with the flyover states.

That's probably why I'm conflicted when I realized that I enjoy Oceanside's annual St. Anthony's Feast so much.

On one hand, I'm repulsed when I feel surrounded by guys who sound like they spend their days calling WFAN to complain about the lack of power displayed by the 2009 Mets. On the other, there's nothing quite like world-famous zeppolis for which the Feast is known (at least by me). The powdered sugar...the warm, moist texture...the fat Long Islanders lingering on line way too long, eating the zeppolis before they even pay making me wait unnecessarily.

I've been to church festivals in places like Ohio and New Mexico. I've been to carnivals in the South. But they only offer funnel cakes, and those don't match up to the simple, round goodness of a St. Anthony's zeppoli. You just don't eat like this anywhere else in America.

Kevin's Best Man Toast

Live From Greg's Wedding comes Kevin Caporaso's badass best man toast

Zach Morris with Jimmy Kimmel

This bit just missed: you could tell the audience didn't catch on with the joke when MPG first came out, the jokes were a little too forced (admittedly, they kind of had to be) and the "time out" move doesn't quite work live.

That said, bonus points for an extremely clever concept. Plus, with the Fallon-sponsored Saved by the Bell reunion looking more and more likely (Screech and Kapowski remain the holdouts), the writers have some more time to nail it.



MPG looks really good, and is a great sport for going along with the joke. Plus, getting to see the Zach Attack's Friends Forever performed live featuring the Roots was a real trip.

D-Day

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Day 6: Key West to ????

I'm filing this bad boy from a Red Lobster in Ft. Pierce, Fla. My waitress finally stopped looking at my screen over my shoulder, giving me the chance to post. It got kind of creepy when she started correcting my grammar in my emails.

I have no idea where I'm going to end up tonight, I've got an eye on Patrick AFB, but think I have the stamina to drive even further north.

I began the morning in Key West, and while I enjoyed driving the Keys during the daytime, the trip is slow (a lot of 45 mph driving) and redundant.

The biggest highlight of my day was my visit to LandShark (sic, nee Joe Robbie, then Dolphin) Stadium in beautiful downtown Miami Gardens. I would like to take this opportunity to apologize to the New Yankee Stadium for all the things I've said because I think I've found the most soulless place in the entire MLB.

If there were 500 people on hand for the first pitch I'd be shocked (seriously). This is a Major League team that has won more World Series than the Yanks in the 21st Century (2000 was the 20th Century) and has a bunch of exciting young players.

I do have to give credit to a sizable Wisconsin contingent that came out in force. Although, I was kind of creeped out by the grifters wearing Marquette jerseys. Alright, I get it, you're proud you're from Milwaukee, but that D. Wade jersey is not flattering on you. On a side note, is there a word in the English language that sounds like it means more than "grifter"? And why are there so many of them in South Florida?

Granted there was a--surprise--rain delay, which apparently happens often (this is Florida, if you don't like the weather, wait 15 minutes and it'll change), but that could not have possibly driven away more than a couple dozen fans. Seriously. That said, thank God the new ballpark (scheduled for 2012) will have a retractable roof.


Florida weather

There was some buzz about the Yanks coming to town in a couple weeks, in fact they advertised Derek Jeter and A-Rod during the pregame announcements. It's a sad day when you have a highly successful franchise (2 world titles in less than two decades of existence) and you resort to advertising other teams' players to sell tickets. It should also be noted that the Marlins team shop also sells Mets and Yankees souvenirs, which is just weird.


I'm so lonely

The stadium is huge (it's a football field, first and foremost capable of seating 76,500), but even when the Yanks come into town and it's sold out, it's going to feel empty (baseball capacity is only 38,560). You're so removed from the field. At the same time, the lack of patrons enabled me the opportunity to have a shot at a couple balls during batting practice, and you can get real close to the players on the field and in the bullpens. Also, I didn't have to worry about lines at the concession stands or in the men's room. I did feel awfully lonely, though.


If a tree fell in LandShark Stadium...

So there you have it, LandShark Stadium, Morganobrien.com's least favorite ballpark in America!

Day 5: Key West

Woke up this morning at the Navy Lodge on the campus of Key West Naval Air Station. I was on the third floo...errr I mean third deck. Alright, we get it, you like everything to be like a ship. Shout out to Blake Byczek, former Key West resident, who directed me to the base after I found myself lost last night.

One thing I wasn't expecting was the salute I received upon arriving at the gate. I haven't been saluted in two years, and I'm sporting the worst Irish beard in history, but the sailor still gave it to me. I was kind of embarrassed, but quickly got over that and remembered the pride with which I served when I was in uniform.

Had a great workout this morning, running into downtown Key West and then lifting at the Coast Guard station. Of course, the Coast Guard facility didn't have a shower. I found one, but didn't have soap so I had to use hand soap from the men's room. I smell like Dial right now.

I knocked around town, basking in the 90 degree/sunny weather and visited the Southernmost point in the United States:


Greetings from the bottom of America

I should mention that I tooled around town on a rented moped. I went without my shirt too, that's how cool I am.


Lots of fun to ride, just don't let your friends see you on it!

I was going to try to catch the Marlins tonight, but I think I'm going to stay down here for another night. You can't beat the price at billeting, and I hear the sunsets here are ridiculous. I'll be sure to photograph the events as they occur.