Captain Morgan Was Real, Damnit

I read on AOL today that "Captain Morgan was real"

Tell me something I didn't know. In addition to this:
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Captain Morgan
The real Captain Morgan never made a drop of rum--the brand was launched in the U.S. in 1983--but he did drink himself to death after a depraved life of piracy. Captain Henry Morgan razed cities, tortured locals into giving up their gold, and sexually assaulted women during the 1671 sacking of Panama City. Today, the rum named in his honor is the world's third-best seller, behind Bacardi and Tanduay.
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There's also Captain Morgan 2.0:

Now if you told me that there was a pirate named "Colonel Dickhead," then I'd be impressed...