The 2008 Prochilo Family Mid-Summer Classic

Outlined against a blue-gray October sky the Four Horsemen rode again. In dramatic lore they are known as famine, pestilence, destruction and death. These are only aliases. Their real names are: Prochilo, Rugolo, O'Brien, and Lyons.

--Grantland Rice

In an era of $4.50 gasoline, Dubai owning the Chrysler Building and Billy Ray Cyrus co-starring on a hit television show, it's nice to know that there's still some things you can always count on. Despite hot, hazy and humid weather and a pervasive sense of lethargy, the annual rite of passage known simply as "The Softball Game," headlined an eventful 2008 Prochilo Family Picnic for yet another year.

Featuring the sideline prognostications of Charlie Randle that evoked more Jerry Remy than the honey baritone of Oceanside's own Bob "The Voice of God" Sheppard (and certainly not Hazel Mae), the game was fast-paced and high scoring. Behind hard-throwing ace Peter Randle, the Old Guard held off a late charge by the Young Guns, holding on 18-12 and staving off the senior home for yet another year. (Click on sidebar for more info on Charlie Randle)

Coming out to the field with an introduction from a special guest, both sides were primed for action. Adding to the game's excitement, history was made by the Young Guns when Katie Prochilo, a precocious middle infielder out of Shaumburg, Illinois, shattered the glass batter's box, taking to the field for the youngsters.

While there was some trepidation about allowing a young woman to play the game, her position as a valued team member was cemented when team captain and shortstop Jack "Pee Wee Reese" O'Brien put his arm around her and directed her to become his double play partner at second base.

The youthful energy and zeal of the Young Guns paid off early, as they grabbed a fast 4-0 lead after the top of the first inning. In the bottom of the first, the Old Guard grabbed three back. A tit-for-tat battle commenced over the next few innings, as the Young Guns were able to keep the lead thanks to smart baserunning and timely hitting.

"We play old-school, National League-style baseball," said Jack O'Brien. "My philosophy is 'What Would Jesus Do?' and I figured he'd lead the league in sacrifices. That's why I expect my team to give themselves up and move the runner over."

When told of Jack's comments, Old Guard outfielder Andrew O'Brien said, "I don't get his comments--he lost. Is he trying to tell me that Jesus Christ couldn't hit a softball?" (Ed. Note: I would like to take this opportunity to apologize to Grandma Pro and the Marianist Brothers of Chaminade High School for that one).

As the game progressed, Peter Randle began to settle down, evoking what his father described as his best Uncle Joe Tortorelli. For the Young Guns, Oceanside High School Chemistry teacher Frankie Rugolo mixed together five strong innings, looking like a young Uncle Reggie Milano, until he came apart after a controversial call involving a hustling Dan Gaffney beating nephew Will Lyons to the bag on a bang-bang play at first.

"I knew I was safe," said Gaffney.

"I knew he was safe," said Lyons.

Later, on the basepaths, Gaffney paid homage to illegitimate Red Sox All-Star Second Baseman Dustin Pedroia, rolling in the infield dirt, incurring a mean raspberry but still managing to score during a 8-run sixth inning rally from which the Old Guard would not look back.

Lyons later atoned for the defensive miscue with offensive fireworks surrounding a Josh Hamiltonesque tape-measure blast that almost rolled to Rockville Centre. The Worcester Polytechnic Institute basketball standout has scouts buzzing about his two-sport potential. In fact, WPI women's softball coach Dottie Pepper was expected to reach out to Lyons about being the team manager/towel boy for the Spring '09 campaign.

The game's web gem was made by Joe "Frank and Shirley's Son" Rugolo, who made a one-handed snag of a line drive to centerfield, managing to juggle a can of crisp, refreshing Budweiser from spilling with his free hand.

"The Belgians might buy Anheuser Busch, but there's nothing as American as a bunch of Irish and Italians drinking beer and playing Softball," said Rugolo. "God Bless America."

Thanks to fancy glovework by Rugolo and a big blast off the bat of MVP Don Prochilo, the Old Guard took the lead for good.

"We played hard and got behind early, but didn't let ourselves get out of it mentally because no lead is safe," said Prochilo, a master of baseball jargon who also had three stellar plays at shortstop where he robbed a 12-year-old girl--his own daughter--on three consecutive at bats. "We smelled blood in the water and took it one inning at a time even though nobody believed in us; we never forgot that it's a game of inches and won between the lines."

In conclusion, and with all due respect to John Updike:

After Prochilo's homer, the fans thumped, wept, and chanted "We want Don" for minutes after he hid in the dugout, he did not come back. Their noise for some seconds passed beyond excitement into a kind of immense open anguish, a wailing, a cry to be saved. But immortality is nontransferable. The papers said that the other players, and even the umpires on the field, begged him to come out and acknowledge us in some way, but he never had and did not now. Gods do not answer letters.

DIAMOND NOTES: Joe Pollard, the pride of the Quad Cities, made two putouts of the O'Briens Morgan in the 4th inning, robbing Jr. and III of hits; a first since 2003 when left centerfielder Eddie Hart robbed William J. Lyons III and IV of hits in the 2nd inning. Of course, there was the time in '96 where thanks to a passed ball on a strikeout, Uncle Lou retired four Joe Rugolos in succession...Tommy "The Yankee Clipper" O'Brien continued his 14-year hitting streak with an impressive 4 for 4 day at the plate. Back in '94, he was held hitless by his brother Jimmy. In '04, he had his closest call when he reached on an error twice and had a walk and HBP to go without an official at bat...After decades of games between them, Billy "The Iron Bentley" Lyons and Jimmy "Private Joker" O'Brien served as honorary captains during the Futures Game held at an adjacent venue....Lyons retirement marked the end of an era, halting his consecutive games streak at 45. Fans will never forget when he took over for Uncle Wally "Pipp" Heinze, who left the game back in ''63 due to an as yet undiagnosed psychosocial disorder that involved television dinners...Retirement is bittersweet for Jimmy, who, like Ted Williams, lost prime years to serving his country. While in Da Nang province, Jimmy did lead the league in a number of categories involving a hail of bullets from a .50 cal. mounted on the side of an UH-1M....Interestingly, Katie is only the second most feminine name in the history of the Softball Game. Top honors in that category actually go to Katie's grandfather, Andrea Prochilo...In New England fashion news, Celtics apparel has replaced pink hats/Tom Brady jerseys as the must-have fair weather gear from Bangor to Hartford (In those kid pictures that were part of the contest, a three-year-old Morgan O'Brien was wearing a Yankee jacket in 1984 , so don't give me any crap about being a fair weather Yankee fan)...Billy Lyons likes OSIR at $10-12...Next year's game heads south to Long Beach.

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